Five Tips For Riding A Recession: An Executive's How-To Guide

1. Sell more at any cost to you. Take resources away from somewhere else in your business (ex. quality or design) and devote those resources to selling more of that lower quality product. Customers will appreciate that you are spending more time and money trying to get more time and money from them, and will forgive you for a slightly inferior product. Don't be surprised if one of your customers says, "I like you guys more than your competitor because you guys focus more on what is important to you than us. That is just smart business." Hot Tip! Revenue is more important than any other facet of your business, including profit.

2. Micromanage your employees. Tighten your grip on their daily activities by requesting frequent status reports and knowledge of everything they are doing. You will achieve greater respect and trust from them because they will think things like, "Hey, this supervisor really cares about every minute of my day," and, "I love planning to tell and telling someone about all the productivity I am planning to do as soon as this meeting/email/check-in is over."

3. Label your employees with easy sterotypes. Plan ahead for downsizing by classifying staff as either "revenue generating" or "non-revenue generating". This helps them see the black-and-white truth: that some of them are not really adding monetary value to the company; they are just there to make the company look like a company. When they understand this truth, all the non-revenue generating employees will gladly accept salary reductions or even proactively quit on their own. Hot tip! This means you don't have to do any unpleasant firing!

4. Know who butters your bread. Time Saver Alert! The degree to which you listen to people should be based on the power of their title. When an employee below you sends you an email with a suggestion to improve the business, ignore it. Or, if they manage to talk to you in person, nod your head slowly and say, "mmm" and "mmmhm" while you consider your leisure activities for the weekend). Disclaimer! If you think the employee's idea will please your boss, present it to him/her as an idea for the company that "our team" came up with - it sends a powerful message about the value of socialism in these financially troublesome times.

5. This tip is no longer working here.